1When you go out to dinner with an influential person, mind your manners:
2Don't gobble your food, don't talk with your mouth full.
3And don't stuff yourself; bridle your appetite.
4Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!
5Riches disappear in the blink of an eye; wealth sprouts wings and flies off into the wild blue yonder.
6Don't accept a meal from a tightwad; don't expect anything special.
7He'll be as stingy with you as he is with himself; he'll say, "Eat! Drink!" but won't mean a word of it.
8His miserly serving will turn your stomach when you realize the meal's a sham.
9Don't bother talking sense to fools; they'll only poke fun at your words.
10Don't stealthily move back the boundary lines or cheat orphans out of their property,
11For they have a powerful Advocate who will go to bat for them.
12Give yourselves to disciplined instruction; open your ears to tested knowledge.
13Don't be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won't kill them.
14A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death.
15Dear child, if you become wise, I'll be one happy parent.
16My heart will dance and sing to the tuneful truth you'll speak.
17Don't for a minute envy careless rebels; soak yourself in the Fear-of-God—
18That's where your future lies. Then you won't be left with an armload of nothing.
19Oh listen, dear child—become wise; point your life in the right direction.
20Don't drink too much wine and get drunk; don't eat too much food and get fat.
21Drunks and gluttons will end up on skid row, in a stupor and dressed in rags.
22Listen with respect to the father who raised you, and when your mother grows old, don't neglect her.
23Buy truth—don't sell it for love or money; buy wisdom, buy education, buy insight.
24Parents rejoice when their children turn out well; wise children become proud parents.
25So make your father happy! Make your mother proud!
26Dear child, I want your full attention; please do what I show you.
27A whore is a bottomless pit; a loose woman can get you in deep trouble fast.
28She'll take you for all you've got; she's worse than a pack of thieves.
29Who are the people who are always crying the blues? Who do you know who reeks of self-pity? Who keeps getting beat up for no reason at all? Whose eyes are bleary and bloodshot?
30It's those who spend the night with a bottle, for whom drinking is serious business.
31Don't judge wine by its label, or its bouquet, or its full-bodied flavor.
32Judge it rather by the hangover it leaves you with— the splitting headache, the queasy stomach.
33Do you really prefer seeing double, with your speech all slurred,
34Reeling and seasick, drunk as a sailor?
35"They hit me," you'll say, "but it didn't hurt; they beat on me, but I didn't feel a thing. When I'm sober enough to manage it, bring me another drink!"